Wow 2 years

I'm sure that 2 years between posts is nothing remarkable. But it is surprising to me. And yet for some reason, the only image it truly brings forth into my brain is a scene from the movie Gross Point Blank. Which, while no Tank Girl, is still a reasonably good and entertaining movie. I would think it would be more interesting if it were a serial killer rather than a paid assassin. I mean something along the same lines in terms of levity. Obviously it would be a completely different movie, in fact the more I think about it, the more I realize that it really ought not to happen. So forget I even mentioned it. In fact scrub this whole paragraph. Don't even start reading it.


The thing is that I realize that I miss typing. I know I should get enough of it elsewhere. Like at the zoo, or the grocery store, or all those other places where opportunities to type abound. Which really for me actually only boils down to my workplace. And there it is only data entry, not really exactly typing. I mean yes I type. And I manage to daily get some wicked 10-key action in. But that is all stale and dry. (except the wicked 10-key action) There is no creativity. There is no soul. There is no flow of information. Well technically there is lots of flow of information. But the flow is dull. So what is a poor guy to do? Wait he could start blogging again. Or, he could be actually thinking about doing something completely different than blogging, and suddenly see that there is a blog floating around with nothing in it. It's a figurative nothing. There is stale old moldy crumbs of previous meaningless posts. And a couple of little "past into your blog" thingees that I did that really don't have much purpose in life other than to make things seem to be included when actually I completely lost my train of thought and have no Idea what I was saying.

"where was I? I forgot the point that I was making"

Which makes me wonder....does making a line a link, equate to the same thing as crediting a source? And if you don't recognize that lyric as oh my goodness I just had a brilliant idea.

As I was saying. (No it's a private personal idea for later, so I'm not even going to hint at it. which probably means I will forget, so maybe it was not as brilliant as I suspected it to be.) But the question remains. Do I even need to cite the source of the line? Is anybody who does not recognize it even remotely curious about it? Wow, my wife sneezed, I blessed her (and thought about it, thank you Deacon Beth) and now I don't remember where I was going. But I do remember my brilliant idea. (which really is not that brilliant, it's more like something fun to try and do at some point in time which I may, or may not remember, or be interested in at a future date.)

Really, there is no point at all, but I got to type for a while, now I should go back to what I was doing. I don't want to, but if I don't do it, who will? Well yes of course Alfonze would do it, but really... then aren't I just cheating myself?

trying something new. lets see

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You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!


and also:

My pirate name is:

Iron Roger Kidd

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

and more to come...


You Are A Pirate!


What Type Of Swashbuckler Are You?
brought to you by Maddog Varuka & Dawg Brown

Advice the world needs

Okay so a little while ago, we all learned that my daughter was going out with Tyler. I am not certain, but from what my daughter Malika Onstad of North Marion High School tells me, it's okay to mention him as pig-faced monkey boy with no future, and plenty of zits, no brain worthless pig of a bridge-sleeping bag lady. That at least is what I can gather is his last name from what she tells me. Obviously she does not have a high opinion of him, and who can blame her. Not only does he (according to what she will tell me) smell like a monkeys fart, not only is he the most socially screwed up sport hating, effminent without the pride of being gay, girly named (tyler how many chicks do you know named tyler, as opposed to dudes?) sissy boy. But, even without all that stuff, he writes lousy notes. I mean look at this quote from an actual confiscated note:

I have been meaning to tell you how beautiful you are. You are smart, intelligent, and oh did I mention beautiful..


I mean, while fraught with good intention, the note, is lousy. It is redundant, and lacking in imagination. While I do not know all the twists and turns of the female mind, I do have good advice for writing love notes that will be appreciated. So here we go with the instruction.

Dear ,

I have been thinking of you forever. My thoughts are eternally occupied with you. (Gives the same sense of "I Have missed you for the last 3 months we haven't spoken to each other" but, it lacks emphasis on how long it has been. Women want to be appreciated, and missed, but they don't want reminders of how long it has actually been. Don't give a sense of time, but let them know that however long it has been, you have been thinking of them forever.)

Next comes the compliments phase. Which I have a quote to work with:

I have been meaning to tell you how beautiful you are. You are smart, intelligent, and oh did I mention beautiful..

Okay good instincts on the beautiful, however, it's very generic. You want her to feel beautiful, and appreciate your admiration, but you need to be more specific. This works to your advantage. Just picture the woman you love in your mind, and call out details you appreciate. For example:

I cannot wait for another opportunity to gaze into you fantastic green(grey, black, blue, red, etc...doesn't matter, but it's best if you pick a color she either likes, or believes her eyes are.) eyes. I could swim in those eyes forever. And your smile, spreading down from your eyes to your mouth, gives radience to your face. When your mouth and eyes smile together, I know what heaven is like.

another example....slightly extended, feel free to snip portions. Only go for the whole picture if you it's all you have left:

I take great joy piecing the jigsaw of you in my mind. You toes slender, long, and beautiful. I love the way your feet are shaped flowing smooth, and beautiful into your ankle. The skin so smooth and touchable. A tickleable sole, suckable toes, all leading gracefully to your ankles. Which carry the eyes so smoothly up your figure. What calves. Smooth, well turned. Flexing so wonderfully in those heels. I almost wish I were a dog, so I could enjoy those legs the way they were meant. Well turned calf, kneecap placed perfectly. Thighs smooth as silk, turned to a beautifully smooth ride up to your hips. I believe legs like yours should be illegal. They only disturb the peace. How other women (swim, play tennis, go grocery shopping, whatever your woman prefers) stand seeing you in (appropriate venue) without envy is my only guess. And to continue, once we get past the legs. your figure blooms like a flower. (for those who are sticklers for truth in advertising, blooming can apply to any area, and really doesn't matter. women love being complared to flowers) Your majecstic shape and demeanor. Your beautiful curves, seperating the majestic landscape of your legs, from the rainbow like beauty of your face. Your beauty blows majestic beauty, filling my mind, my spirit, my imamgination, and my life. (again, you can not go over the top...well you can, but no matter what women say, it doesn't matter. The way women think is...."He probably doesn't mean it...but he wouldn't have said it, if nobody believed it....maybe half...or 2/3 of it is true. ya know, I have always liked my legs... trust me. Turn on the charm full boar. Beyond what I commented on. The secondayry part...You are smart, and intellingent. Again beautiful content. Always comment on a womens "interiour beauty". If possible intelligence. If not, comment on how much you enjoy talking to her. Or how fun it is to be with her. Something that feels personal, but could apply to anybody. 1( Because it's less work to come up with when you try it on a different person. 2) Because she will interprate. So long as you say it with a personal angle, it doesn't mater what you compliment, she will take it to mean her. Just try it out.

Finally, do not repeat your beauty comment. Even if you have a great closing compliment, don't waste it. It doesn't matter how long your letter is. How long you have poured over each individual characteristic, or each wonderful quirk. If you even vaguely repeat yourself, you will sound redundant, and desperate.

your best closing is letting her know how much you like/miss her, and how much you want to see her again. In this setting it's okay (even encouraged) to call back specific comments. For example:

These notes are poor company for being able to bask in your presence. But they will have to suffice as I endure the loneliness of lacking your presence. However, I do joyfully anticipate the next time I can gaze upon your magnificent (features, toes, calfs, breasts, eyes, etc.)

That is how a love note goes. Even a crush note. Basically the rules if you want to impress a woman are:

1)let her know you think of her, but don't giver her a time frame.
2)Compliment specifically. (physically)(Do not repeat)
3)compliment specifically (personally) (again, and even more strongly do not repeat)
4)Give her hope. (tell her how much you want to see her (or part of her again) tell her how much you miss herm, in this instance if it's a month or less, tell her how many days until you can enjoy the full glow of her presence.


So basically to tyler pig-smelling monkey fart, and others in his situations. Keep up the not writing, practice, but remember what I said. So long as you can combine being vague when necessary (basically anything about you, or about time commitments) and specific (again specifically about her. Doesn't have to be artistic, just something specific so she can feel special.) you will be perfect. Feel free to use my psot as a template. Probably won't do much good, but is great advice for anybody besides tyler (grease spot on the road, if he is lucky) who needs to get a lady to go to prom with him.

Names and Faces

Okay so, now I am joinging another trend that afflicts owners of blogs. (please notice that I am refraining my use of the word blog, especially in verb form, but also in other non standard noun forms.) That is mostly for my peace of mind, because I realized how free with the terms blogger,blogging,to blog, etc....to the point where I could easily see myself referring to the blogosphere, which is completely unacceptable to me. Not because it is a completely made up word. Which it is, to be quite honest. But (and lets face it, all words are made up, at one point or another. you can go back in etemology, but in the long run, somebody made up the word. without people making up words, we couldn't communicate. so making up words isn't a bad thing. But.... in this case, it isn't good.) Basically the fact that I am using it so freely tells me I am too comfortable with a "fad". I do not believe blogging is a fad as in a flash in the pan, here today, gone tomorrow, write a hit song about it, and it will be popular for a year (i.e. 1985 by bowling for soup, or whoever they were) but, not leaving a lasting impression. I see blogs as a fad like television is a fad. First off, it was a cool device that nobody thought would last. Yet 40 (or so, more or less) years later, it's still here. And still as popular, if not more popular than ever. But those who claimed it just fad, (similar to those who claimed fire was just a fad) were not wrong. Television has become the epitome of fads. First there was programming. Shortly (almost immediatly) followed by comercialization. Which led to governemnt control (fcc..pbs..etc) which led to political correctness, which led to more commercials (of a more boring type) which led to cable. Which led to TIVO which led to reading. (well not yet, but hopefully it's on the way.) in other words. Television is a fad, but it stays a fad, because it changes to keep it's standing. First expression. (although for a very short time, since it was based on radio which was commercialized about 50 seconds after it had a wide enough market, if not sooner.) Then formality, (regular syndicated programs.) followed swiftly by competition. (three networks for quite a long time) followed (probably although I haven't researched any of this, this is mostly common sense observation) by formality. (government regulation (fcc) followed by ( {censored word} cant think of the word for government subsidies of farmers) umm...hang on....oh to heck with it subsidies (pbs...paying people to grow worhtless crops) followed by more conformity. (networks again, and then political correctness, caving to lunatics who care to write rather than those who don't say anything because they like what they see) followed by cable (alternative to original state. Variety, freedom of expression (under careful watch if not control) appeal to broader audience.) followed ultimately by dissilusionment, lack of interest in being pandered too, frustration with commercials, lack of mental stimulation, etc. which will not erode it completely (look at the slinky, or better yet jars of bubbles mix) but will pave way for the new fad, which is reading. Which is the same history of blogging. There was a new frontier. It started with expression. unique, expensive, but artisticly satisfying. Quickyl hit the commercialization stage. from a non-explored history, I would venture to guess that blogs have been around for about 38 years. (it's 2005 go back 38 years, which makes it what 1967? which coincidentally is the year I was born. ) okay not necessarily 38 years. But I would say 30 or more. when the...never mind...that is going way to deep into the history of the internet, and speculation of when blogs hit the scene. Because blogs had to have started when the internet did. Because there are alway people who feel their opinions are most important. (A little personal background, I started messing with modems in the early 90's....the internet existed, but was in it's vestigal stage. There were tons of newsgroups, and believe me, there was already plenty of advertising.) Still let us imagine for a moment a world beyond the conversation style of the newsgroup, to the journal style of the blog. I am certain that he is not the first blogger in the world. (I have no evidence, I just look at the timeline, and figure there were at least 5 people less business savvy, but more technically savvy who posted their journals online.) anyway, matt drudge has to be considered the father of the blog. he is the one who thrust blogging into the mainstream media. He is the one who showed the world the potential of blogging. And while I have no proof (although perhaps I could check the wabac, I would have to know how) I am willing to bet dollars to winchelles stock (okay unfair how bout hmmm...home depot stock) that he had advertising on his site before his stories hit the mainstream. (which was from my memory the clinton era when everything was changing both for good and bad.) So anyway, the commercial hit, and along with that, well here the history breaks off a little bit. Rather than government control and sponsership, it went direct to cable. Now everybody is welcome to post and read what they want to post, or read. Perhaps the governemtn will come up with blog control, and then we will find a new way to do the same thing to sort people. Either way, it's a changing medium. It has gone from mindless newsgroup rantings, to dedicated pages, to advertising, (and at that time there were many copycat drudge reports,l but still don't know it counts) to basically me. I am finally at the ideal time for a fad. Of course I have to have the "stuff" to last the test of time. But well, I figure my writing is freeing. if not for you, then for me. I refuse to use advertising. And I only hope someday somebody just responds saying that I freed them to type what's in their brains. Either way, it's still just a fad. it will probably fade to some voice recognition posting. something like a cross between dictation, and telephone conversations. I mean, it's here now. you have cell phones, and answering machines. Just do like they might be giants they had their dial-a-song long before blogs. (or at least during their inceptions) anyway, theirs was a simple answering machine. You dial in, you hear a song. If you were in the early days, you could tie up their machine with a long enough message, and ruin it for everybody. Anyway that technology combined (cell/answering machine) added into computers wiht tremendous storage (which are ever more frequent) means that readint will faid away again. People will speak their blogs to the computer, access theirs and others via cell phone. then comment, or not, and whatever else via phone. Blogs will linger for the eccentrics and the die hards. And people like me, who desire public expression, but are to scatter brained to actually write something the public might read. Typing will continue, but probably we will have to pay for it. Meantime the less strenuous (because it's less interactive) method of vocal communication will again have a rise, and people will once again wonder how somebody concidered the telephone a fad. well by todays standards, those phones they had are a fad....for goodness sakes, 5 people who watch nickelodian tell me they understand the reference when somebody in one of the old sitcoms picks up the phone and says "darborn 215" )or something similar) let's face it everything from slinkeys, to soap bubbles, to tv's, to blogging, to phones (which I see as the last fad...it will be replaced by nanotechnology, which will appear similar, but will eventually require thought rather than speach. This will pretty much negate the phone, but also end the human race, because there is no way we can hide our thoughts from each other, and from my observance, no way to not be offended by what other people are thinking.

so I have jumped in the rapids of the curve, and followed everyone else once again, because I want to post a follow up to the preceding post. Unfortunately my fad insights took up too much room. i am sure I am joing some group of non-sequential bloggers, but I don't care. Next time I blog, I will finish the sequal I started today, but got distracted, so didn't acutally type anything relating to it.

Singing in the mud

There is a book. Actually in the world, there are several of them. Way more than 7. Most of them are particularly interesting. Some of them, are not. If we are being completely honest all of them are not. But, that is because everybody has different tastes, and I do not believe there exists a book in the world that is not disliked, or uninteresting to somebody. Except perhaps "where the wild things are" by Maurice Sendak? (that is such a huge guess, so I am going to look it up. hehehe I was right. (of course there is always a chance I wrote that, originally guessed Harriet Beecher Stowe, and when I found out I was wrong, was so embarrassed that I changed it afterwards. Nobody would ever know. But I am not easily embarrassed, so take my word for it I did not do that.)) So anyway, there is an author of books. Actually in the world, there are several of them. (please see preceding points, except ignore the part about "where the wild things are".) The author I am thinking of is Glen Cook. He is one of my favorite authors. I have been thinking of him tonight. He wrote the annals of the black company. A fantastic series in 3 parts. (more? Not certain) and approximately 8 books (more/less? I could look it up, in fact I will. I was wrong. There are 9. Plus "the silver spike" which while in the same universe, and having some of the same characters, I do not consider it part of the annals, because it doesn't deal with the actual company. It is merely a well written, and enjoyable side trip, so that we need not say goodbye to old friends so easily.) In his books, he has a powerful, fanatic, and incredibly sneaky group of people. Actually that describes pretty much all of the groups political, and military. Ah well, the particular group brought to my mind is the Stranglers. These were a death cult, that primarily killed by strangling. They felt that if they killed enough people in a frame of time it would bring out the re-incarnation of their demon goddess. Pretty cool, as nice a reason for a fictional cult existence as any. The thing is they had a fantastic way of disposing of bodies. I guess I should give more detail. The deaths were supposed to be secret. People just disappearing, mysterious, sneaky, bringing rise to stories of spirits, and powers, and whatnot. So there had to be disposal that would not draw attention. Here is what they would do. After strangling the victim (so that said victim would not make noise thus revealing the cult...Often the settled for breaking necks, but true masters would strangle by themselves....Anyway) after said victim dies. They took the body, and hammered all up and down, pretty much powdering all the bones. This allowed them to fold the body up into a nice tight package, about the size of say....A picnic cooler? (depending on the size of the body of course, still a tidy, and small package either way.) They would then bury the body in a small hole tailored to the size of the package. Which they would bury deep enough to discourage animals disturbing said package, and to allow the odor to diffuse a little. The real genius, however, was that they would puncture the bodies. This would allow the decomposition gases to leak out. This way the body would not swell like a balloon (disturbing the ground level) because of the gases from decomposition. A truly ingenious method of corpse disposal. Using that method, could keep a secret secure for quite some time.

On a completely (hehehehe sure) unrelated topic. My wonderful daughter for some reason was sitting on the couch with a shoebox. She apparently has 8 count them eight notes from Tyler S-something (is that his last name?) I am uncertain of his last name, because he has lousy handwriting, and my daughter will not tell me. (which has the added side effect that she does not get to go to homecoming now, so that is a worry off my mind.) Anyway, she managed to keep 7 of them from me. But I do remember a quote from the one she didn't get:

I have been meaning to tell you how beautiful you are. You are smart, intelligent, and oh did I mention beautiful...

Something close to that. Now this tells me that 1) he has good taste. 2) he is redundant. 3) he is not very creative. 4) he should learn all about singing in the mud. (if you know what I mean.) Ahh the joys of being the father of a teenage daughter.

But enough of that diversion, I should mention that there is lots of space under my house, and enough clearance, that digging a decent small pit would not be difficult, the only animals that go down there are spiders, and mice. something to think about. Or not.

If you can't beat em, burn down their barns

Okay, much to my chagrin, I have to admit, as of this post, I have joined the rank of the "coffee bloggers". What i mean is that I'm blogging about coffee. while, to be perfectly honest, I have yet to read a blog, or even a ranted entry in a blog about coffee, I know they are out there. After all, you could not swing a dead cat, without hitting somebody with strong opinions about coffee. Well, you would, but it would have to be an awefully small cat, and not swung anywhere near wherever I happen to be. Let me try again. Oregon, you know neighbor of the Starbucks state. I mean Seatlle. I mean, darnit what's it called, Georgia? no...oh yeah Worshington. So, basically people near me have very strong opinions about coffee. Mine is that coffe should be strong, also that somehow, wherever I go, eventually somebody starts yammering mindlessly about coffee, or a coffe related subject, or how evil Starbucks is. (because I do know a few people who do drink coffee.) So I am assuming with that broad a biased sample, that somewhere out there, there exists several individual posted rantings, and even entire blogs devoted solely to coffee. And now I am joinging them. Why? Why not avoid the whole coffee trend, and march to my own drummer, and all that load of tarantula fodder? Because my mind is on coffee. Cause I just set up the coffee for the evening, and thought I would post on my blog before doing the few things I do before I go to bed. And well since I start my stuff off with what's on my mind, and my mind was just on coffee, I am writing in my blog about coffee. So I have jumped on the chuckwagon, and followed the trend, and have done my obligatory coffee blog. So chalk me up with the group who say, "I like my coffee just like my women. Hot, Black, and Bitter." in other words a coffee purist with a twisted sense of humor. I pretty much don't have any of those "coffee drinks" so I don't know enough about them. I brew my coffee at home, I drink it on the way to work, and at lunch (for christmas 2 years ago (is that right bug?) My very precious, and wonderful child got me a 34 ounce commuter mug.) and sometime after work. So I don't know much about storebought coffee. So just chalk this up to the anti-latte crowd. Except that, I like Irish coffee. (without the whip-cream (or with sometimes)) So I am not completely against coffee drinks. i just like to drink coffee, and don't like to pay for it. There rant over. Wow I spent a whole posting on topic. I don't think i had even one distraction. That must be a first. Wonder why I didn't get distracted. Must be because it is so short. Well. I guess I could keep typing so as to keep a pattern. But I already shattered my iconoclastic trappings by joining the coffee herd and posting a longwinded rant about why coffee and coffe culture is so impressive in one particular way, what use is there in trying to recover my past glory by backpedling and trying to force a distraction. Let the blog stand as is, a testament to history, and the power of trends. They are enough to break even the shallowest iconoclastic rebellious lone wolf into writing aobut something every other writer on the internet has mentioned. Well at least I can take comfort in being last... at least for 30 seconds until a new blog is established, which will inevitably take up the coffee debate once again. Long live serious controversy that is vital to our american lives.