some numbers

0 + 1
1 + 3
4 + 5
9 + 7
16 + 9
25 + 11
36 + 13
49 + 15
64 + 17
81 + 19
100 + 21
121 + 23
144 + 25
169 + 27
196 + 29
225 + 31
256 + 33
289 + 35
324 + 37
361 + 39
400 + 41
441 + 43
484 + 45
529 + 47
576 + 49
625 + 51
676 + 53
729 + 55
784 + 57
841 + 59
900 + 61
961 + 63
1024 + 65
1089 + 67
1156 + 69
1225 + 71
1296 + 73
1369 + 75
1444 + 77
1521 + 79
1600 + 81
1681 + 83
1764 + 85
1849 + 87
1936 + 89
2025 + 91
2116 + 93
2209 + 95
2304 + 97
2401 + 99
2500 + 101
2601 + 103
2704 + 105
2809 + 107
2916 + 109
3025 + 111
3136 + 113
3249 + 115
3364 + 117
3481 + 119
3600 + 121
3721 + 123
3844 + 125
3969 + 127
4096 + 129
4225 + 131
4356 + 133
4489 + 135
4624 + 137
4761 + 139
4900 + 141
5041 + 143
5184 + 145
5329 + 147
5476 + 149
5625 + 151
5776 + 153
5929 + 155
6084 + 157
6241 + 159
6400 + 161
6561 + 163
6724 + 165
6889 + 167
7056 + 169
7225 + 171
7396 + 173
7569 + 175
7744 + 177
7921 + 179
8100 + 181
8281 + 183
8464 + 185
8649 + 187
8836 + 189
9025 + 191
9216 + 193
9409 + 195
9604 + 197
9801 + 199
10000

I actually could go further. But, why this was the fun part. Well only half of it. The mostly fun part was figuring out how to do it with the least amount of work. Which I was unable to completely figure out. Mostly because I am too easily distracted. But I was cleaning out the files on the computer, and came across my various attempts that all failed, and thought. Why just delete all of these? What good would that do. The answer was, obviously, no good. So I made the snap decision to use up some precious work minutes and throw them up on the web. That way, the numbers would not have lived and died in vain. Also, to be one hundered percent honest, I enjoy counting in square numbers. I am uncertain why, or how long I have been doing it. I do remember when I first started. That is not true, I just said that I lack understanding as to the length of my square number counting habit. If I remembered when I first start I ought to be able to figure out how long it has actual been a bad habit. What I intended to write was that I know the circumstances that led to my (according to wife and child completely unique hobby) It all started with sheep. Not the time travelling sheep mentioned in "The Cartoon History of Time" . The regular type of sheep (pardon me if that particular link fails to work. I will fix it when I am not working, and have more time. Or I will forget about it, and everybody will be dissapointed or have to search it for themselves. or I am just making up the book. Who knows, and does it matter much, or should I just finish typing this before somebody notices me not working?) It was mental sheep. (you shear them for mental floss) Specifically the breed designed for counting in order for you to get to sleep. Or actually specifically the breed crafted in order for me to count to get to sleep. I got bored with sheep. Which normally would be the point, because it is the utter ghastly lack of interest that is supposed to put you to sleep. The problem is that when I became bored, it caused me to start having the sheep do tricks. Which was much more entertaining, but definately not useful in the whole "getting to sleep" business. Then I tried just plain numbers. Without sheep. Those were fine as far as they went. But they became a challenge as well. Because I finally oh man there are way too many distractions to type this at work. Okay long story short. The regular numbers became more intersting for a myriad of exotic and fascinating reasons that time constraints will not allow me to go into, but can be easily imagined. Finally I settled on square numbers, which work amazingly well. It is not so much that they are boring, as eventually if I count high enough, I just wear my brain out by double checking my answers, and verifying by every different method I can conceive. The one drawback is that the lower numbers have been memorized. I can do 1-50 without even thinking now, and going to 100 is just like stretching before a light jog. Still, the patterns are pretty and eventually my brain gets worn out enough (or just rebellious) to ease me into a pleasant sleep. (well until the nightmare starts, but that has nothing to do with this.)

A couple of apples

There was an article in the Oregonian about speeding today. Although to be honest, I didn't read it. I did, however, read the headline. That's pretty much all the news we need to know anyway. The headline pretty much tells us what the story is going to be about. The rest of it, is much more entertaining if we can make up our own details. Look at the recent death of the pope. (should pope be Capitalized? maybe, but it's just a blog nobody but my child reads, so it makes little difference.(I guess my wife reads it as well, I do not read it. Well sometimes I do, but only after using google to translate it into a different language, and then translate it back, just to see how odd it becomes. my favorite translations are mostly Korean. I am not sure I understand why, but there you are)) Headlines roared all over the place about the death of a pontiff. well, what do you know, not only did I spell pontiff corectly, but it was also the correct word I wanted. You have to love dictionaries. That's why Mirriam webster (http://www.m-w.com) is one of my favorite websites. Especially the word of the day section. I really enjoy words, especially ones I do not know. well that is somewhat erronius. I mean, how can I know if I like a word if i have not learned it yet? There are words I can imagine, and even if they do exist, I am at a loss for the definition. for example cherioplasm. That seems like a fun word, but I could not say that I actually know it is a real word, and if so what it might mean. So, I guess I could just say that
I enjoy learning new words. So far I am reasonably certain that I have appreciated each and every word I have learned. Although, I am a little uncertain as to whether or not I appreciated them all when we first met. To be perfectly frank, I have difficulties remembering learning most of the words I know. I believe I have a reasonable vocabulary, but I have no idea where it came from. There are a few specific words that I remember the details of learning. My favorite word Defenestration I learned from a Calvin and Hobbes anthology. Another favorite Risible I learned from on online dictionary. Actually I believe it was from the worthless word of the day website. (http://home.mn.rr.com/wwftd/) which is quite a fun website. It is also handy for picking passwords. My employment requires a changing of passwords every few weeks. (I am uncertain as to the exact length, but it is roughly a month or so.) Everybody I work with has their own tricks for passwords, but I use my passwords as a learning tool. Every time it is up for renewal, I try to pick a word I am unfamiliar with. (although in a pinch, I will just pick one that I enjoy) that way I have a whole month of typing it on an almost daily basis to get used to it, and try to figure out ways to add it to my repertoire. I did not know until I looked up the spelling that there was an R in the middle of that word. I do not believe I have ever pronounced it. See, words can always teach you something. It may not be worth knowing, or interesting, but it can teach you.
Having got that little distraction out of my system. I am somewhat easily distracted. I liken myself to a raccoon, show me a shiny object, and I will lose interest in whatever shiny object I was interested in before. I do, however, eventually find my way back to whatever the original object at hand was, in this instance the pope. who had died, and the headlines all said screamed that (figuratively anyway) at me. Now if I were one to follow the news and read all the articles leading up to, and about his death, I would be well informed of the circumstances. But, and I mean no disrespect at all, but if I were to just read the headlines, then I could take them anywhere. Perhaps he died while waterskiing in the antarctic. Perhaps, he was on a mission in el salvador. There are so many imaginative ways to take the story. But, and again I mean no disrespect. The pope was another distraction. I started talking about the article in the Oregonian about speeding that I did not read. What I did do, is listen to the story on the morning news while I was driving into work. I must say that it was very, interesting. Well to me anyway. The gist of the story is that in the past 5 years in the state of Oregon, police have given 500 citations for driving in excess of 100mph. The most recent example was a couple of weeks back a youngster was clocked at 140mph. When I heard that I glanced down at my speedometer. It only goes up to 120mph. That was depressing. The guy was driving faster than my car will admit it can go. Not that I necessarily trust my car. I think it downplays itself in order for me to lower my expectations. That way it can get a free ride while driving me around. I mean, if I don't expect much of it, and still give it gas, and oil, and the occasionaly every other year cleansing, and it doesn't even have to admit being able to go a measly 145mph, why should it try. My car is a slacker. Oh, if I insist, it will perform at high enough levels. but I truly think it attempts to lull my suspicions to make life easier on itself. One of these days, we are going to have to have a chat about that, but the time is not right yet. I have learned in my life to pick my battles.
The other thing about that article that bothers me is why? I can understand speed for the thrill of it, sure who could not understand wanting a thrill? The problem is 500 tickets in 5 years. That's 100 tickets a year. What could that many people be in such a hurry for? Maybe it's the pizza delivery guys trying to stick to the half hour delivery time. I kind of doubt it. I will concede that there is not a whole bunch of scenery on some strectches of the freeways in Oregon. But I cannot imagine that 100 people a year could be in that big a hurry to get past it. There were over 1000 tickets for going over 90mph. Again, I am not trying to be a grumpy old man about this. I just think it's ridiculous to be in that much of a hurry, especially since almost everybody I know is late most of the time anyway. the lesson is that speeding doesn't help near as much as leaving earlier.
I guess what I really want to say is something I have forgotten. I know that speeding has become a standard for society. I see it every day on my commute. It works out fairly decently because most people wind up driving at fairly close to the same speed. It might not be the safest speed available, but if everyone is doing it, at least we will all die together. (actually I tend not to exceed the speed limit, but that is a personal choice, and I hope it will not tarnish my reputation.) I just see a huge difference between driving 70mph in a 65mph zone, and driving 140mph in the same zone. On the other hand, the rush would be incredible. The scenery flashing by, the wind whipping past the antenna. Forty birds singing "Michael Row your boat ashore" in tribute to your wild ways. Yeah it would be a good life. but by the same token, a good defenestration can give almost the same rush.

I should say something about apples since they were in my title. but they give me a stomach ache, so I will pass up the opportunity.

Special Guest Column

Okay well he says I can type anything so hmmm.... type anything what in the world am i supposed to type four score and seven years ago no thats to long and he says I am not supposed to plagarize. Ooh i know I have this riddle i really like my friend told it to me okay If half a chicken lays half an egg in half a day then how long does it take a cricket with a wooden leg to pick all the seeds out of a watermelon? Now don't look ahead think about think about it okay I hope you have given up know because I am giving you the answer ready for it okay the answer is can't because ice cream has no bones isn't that a cool riddle. Wow, that riddle barely took up two sentences you know writing on this is a lot harder than i thought it would be see i thought it would be easy but really its not. We have a lot of new kids at my school this year yeah lets see there is tyler, zach, cody, brandon, erik sort of counts asknew because he was here in third or fourth left and came back thats all the knew kids I can think of but there are a lot more I think but it just seems like there are way more new kids this year. For some reason like all the girls in our group of friends went after the new kids like for some unexplainable reason like everyone liked erik I don't know what it was but darcie heather meaghan was trying to figure out who he like he of course would not tell her he said when he starts being comfortable with the school he will ask out or say yes when they ask him out to the person he likes. Then there is tyler okay tyler didn't start out in our group but he has kind of made his way there so he will probably stay with our group for now so first from our group he went out with meaghan and then something was bothering her and she told me and me being stupid me decided to tell two people just two but then tyler found out and they started getting distant and then she broke up with him but she did it middle school style (had someone else do it for her). Now i like tyler silly me right well apparently he likes me too but "We should just be friends" his line not mine but you know I'll live i haven't had a boyfriend in like forever so my lovely streak will continue. Last dance my friend darcie was trying to find this guy erik and he was out in the cafiteria and she came in through the front and he hid behind a vending machine and like everyone knew he was there except her and so liek everyone pointed that he was in the gym so she went back into the gym to look for him and as soon as she turns away like everyone starts lughing and he comes out it was really mean I felt really bad for darcie. THen the next time she was looking for him and we were all sitting around the table and so he hid under the table at the feet of this guy named wil and so it was funny wil was just saying like its only the first date and making jokes it was pretty funny but I did feel really bad for darcie because everyone was like hiding him from her. We are actually a really good group of people if I can name the whole group guys and girls (I might miss some) lets see me meaghan erika sara lauryn heather pi(melody) darcie michelle mykel g micheal m danieal robert wil erik cody tj I probably am missing a bunch but its late and I wanted to type about couples before I have to go to bed because my parents are screaming at me that it is time to go to bed okay so the quick version lets see erika and kC sara likes danieal but won't admit it so right now he is going out with a 7th graderlauryn and brandon he doesn't really hang out with us i think thats it but that will all change most likely because people like to get together right before or during or right after dances so who knows what the couple status is like. To be continued ...(Sorry for any spelling/gramatical errors)

The Puddle

I'm not getting any work done. None whatsoever. Of course, I'm not being paid to work right now, but that really isn't the point. I should be working. I should have had my inventory done by Friday. But I didn't finish it, there were so many more important things to do. Well okay not so much important, as needing to be done. I'm really uncertain as to what the difference is, except that the things that needed to be done were not as important as, well say the inventory I was supposed to be finishing. They were, however more necessary, because nobody could leave work until they were done. WEll I guess they could have because there are more doors than people there, so we could not gaurd each and every one. On the other hand, thinking about it most of the doors don't actually lead outside the building. Only about 4 of them. Well, five if you count the one that's attached to the shed which can't really access the main building proper, but I don't count that one, because the only people that use that are spiders, termites, and me. But I only use it once a month to carry the files out for storage. And I guess one other guy uses them once every six to 8 months (depending on if the bill is payed) to move outdated files to the rented storage shed. So the fifth door really doesn't count for this particular situation, but int he future it could, so it's best not to completely forget about it, just put it in the back of your head with the spiders.
So 4 doors that can go from the main building to the outside. And for the majority of the day there are, wow, actually there are only 3 people there. So we actually couldn't guard all the doors, and even if we could, it would be no use, because the people guarding are the people who want to leave. But...hehehehe there are actually 2 of those doors that have key locks that only one person has keys to open. Therefore, we could lock 2 doors, and then 2 of us could guard 2 of the doors and keep one of us inside. Then, for the second half of the day, there are between 4 and 6 people (technically that would make it 5 people I guess, but I mean that at times there are as few as 4, and at times as many as 6, and probably at times there are 5.) So the people do eventually outnumber the doors. The windows are barred, and there aren't that many of them anyway.
That is neither here nor there, because we are held by loyalty, and the love of our jobs, and would never even dream of leaving until the tast was accomplished regardless of whether the doors were unlocked, and unguarded or not. Still, people do occasionally get cranky, and the days can get long, so it is necessary to complete the daily drugery. So that's what I did, and I got clever and e-mailed the files for my inventory home for me to work on over the weekend. While I wouldn't get paid, I would get the satisfaction of knowing I accomplished something. But, I won't even get that now, because I am not working on my inventory. (I believe I may have mentioned that.)
What happened, was I e-mailed the files I needed to work on to myself. A very clever thing if I do say so myself. (which I guess I do.) Then I went into the program that I created them from, and started editing the numbers, and adjusting, and making corrections. Do not, for one second, believe, based on the previous sentance, that I would even concider faking my inventory. No not at all. Well not unless I e-mail the finished product to myself before I make all the final adjustments so that I'm not working witht he correct numbers. But that scenario is so far-fetched that it will never, ever happen. (well except for this weekend, and thinking back on it last month as well.)
No I am by no means cheating and faking my inventory. Or I wasn't then. The problem is that the barcode scanners we use to count products does not always count reliably. (But let's be honest here, who over the age of 27 does count reliably? Not saying that the equipment we use is over the age of 27, but then again it might be, I wouldn't know, I wasn't there when it was born.) So, there are little blips and bloops, and blunders,a nd other b words that I can't think of right now, but probably would be fun to say, because most things that start with b are fun to say. Think about it. Bubble, Brain, Barbells, Bounty, Beautiful. There is something Truly pleasant, and fun about the buh sound. Bbbbb maybe that's why babies use it so much. They aren't sofisticated enough to know that you are only supposed to use your mouth to communicate. It's wrong to have fun with your mouth, it's wrong to make noises just because they are fun to make. Okay, I don't necessarily believe the above statements, I was just itterating one of the unwritten rules of maturity. Sure there are many people out there who just have fun with their sounds. But on the other hand, they are looked down on for being immature, or crazy, and then get paid a whole bunch of money to do sound effects for cartoons.
So what I have to do is go through all the stuff we counted. Well not the stuff, because wading through piles of stuff would be counter-productive. I have to use the computer to look at the results of the counting. Find what went wrong. (preferably not using the sound effects and having my co-workers staring at me slightly frightened, and then talking about how immature I am. one of these days a cartoon will discove me.) Then correct it. Either, adding, subtracting, changing, or just deleting and pretending it never happened. The last option is not really a last resort though, because often the barcode scanners just make up numbers and stuff so it doesn't hurt to delete things. Then there is the human error, which I usually correct by cutting off the finger of the offending counter. (this practice is only to test to see whether they actually were counting on their fingers and toes. If they can't count as high next month, I know the problem, and can solve it from there.)

Finally after getting all the little details worked out the program creates a nice little Excel format program for me to conveniently use. Actually, that is not completely true either. I actually have to tell it to create the program. I don't actually say it, I type it. But a written order is a form of communication, so it counts as telling, even if it's not really exactly like I were having a conversation or anything. Just hitting the right keys in the right order. Technically though I only use the mouse, so I'm not even typing, but I am still transfering information, and data, so it still counts as if I'm telling. Kind of makes me miss the days of grunts, and pointing. (Okay, there was a bit more to the Army than that, but belching and drinking only counts as communication in certain circles.) So one way or another I get the computer to do my bidding. I bet it wasn't happy. Once that is done, I have to then use the corrected counts, and perfomr tests and checking, and savings. Wait no, that's after I get paid.

I test numbers and prices, and physically count certain random items that are not revealed to me until I think them up. (and believe it or not, until I think them up I have no idea what they are, or what they even might be.) True, it would be easy to use the same stuff every time, but that wouldn't be very random, and I doubt it would be much fun either. I then type (this time I actually do the typing.) that information into one of some other forms, along with the information from the program that I procured in Excel format earlier.

This was what I was planning on working on at home. The combining my testing information with the infromation from the count, and making it all presentable, and worry free for people who are paid better than myself. But, while I e-mailed myself all the correct information from my end of the tests, and I corrected the infromation from the count. I e-mailed the pre-correction information along with my personal information. So, I got depressed. I can't do my inventory.

So now I'm writing the story about how I can't do my inventory, and actually having a good time. I am certain that it makes little sense, and I don't know that I would understand all of it but I'm not actually trying to make sense, and it's not like I am trying to explain the inventory process to somebody. Why would I do that? If I let just anybody willy-nilly learn the secret and mystical arts of the inventory, why then I would be out of a job. Nope, none of that, I'm just writing. After all this is my writing spot, so that' what I"m doing. And having a darned good time of it. I'm going to regret come the morning and I have no inventory to show for my weekend,b ut that is a worry for another day. Besides, I can easily fake an inventory in under 20 minutes if it is truly necessary. Because it is never important to fake an inventory, but I have found through my life it's more important to do the necessary, than it is necessary to do the important. After all, if it's that important somebody else will do it. If it isn't, then you can fake it. (or something like that.)

I was thinking of puddles when I started writing this. I'm not sure why. I think because I like to splash in them while I'm driving. I liked splashing them when I was younger, but I wasn't allowed to drive. So I stole my parents keys while they were asleep. Unfortunatley they were only the house keys. We didn't have a car when I was younger. We did have a cow. It was a friendly cow. I think. I don't know, it neve really said much to me, but I was told it was a friendly cow, so that's the important part. Except thinking back we did have a car. It was my friend who had the cow. But it's easy to get yourself confused with your friends when you are younger. Especially if your friends had much more interesting exploits than you do. It makes me wonder if celebraties, and whatnot with their facinating life stories really had all that stuff happen to them. Or if they are just remembering, and getting confused with their friends from childhood. And let me tell you some of those stories, I bet they had to have at least 8 friends just to have enough space for all the exploits. I am unfortunate, I only had one friend. You can't even fill up half a book with the exploits of one friend. Looking back I should have made another friend, but it didn't seem so necessary at the time. I mean I had my friend, we had fun, the neighborhood cats were scared. Who knew that years from that point I would look back and wish I had more friends so I could write an autobiography. I think maybe if there had been fewer cats. Then, we might have gotten bored more frequently, and realized that other than torturing cats and trying to get a cow to speak to us our lives were fairly shallow and meaningless. ( I think I prefer the term meaningfree. I mean after all childhood should be free from meaning. It's a time of learning and exploration and throwing cats at cows, why ruin it with a bunch of unnecessary meaning.) So, cats are (as always) the problem. So make sure you get your cats spayed and neutered, because there are enough of us who don't have fantastic autobiographies because we didn't grow up with enough friends to get enough stories. there public service message done.

And I guess my hour of writing time is up. Well it's not. I was going to write for an hour because it's good practice, and loads and loads of fun. (Okay sometimes it's fun. Other times, it's something other than fun. I'm not sure what it is, an inexplicable not fun thing. It's not really the opposite of fun, it's just kind of there. I mean sure it could be exciting, or frustrating, or depressing, or boring, or many other things, however they aren't the things I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of something that exists in a state of other than funness.) But, it's getting late, and I should be going to bed because well if I don't it may come to me, and after last time I really don't want to repeat the experience. I am just glad it is only a waterbed, rather than one of those craftmatic adjustables. WHew I mean the craftmatics are not just mean, they are dangerous. You reaaly want to make sure you honor your bedtime with those puppies. Waterbeds, they definately are no picnic. (then again what is a picnic? other than a meal outside, or in a covered area that isn't a building, or even in a building, if it's a designated picnic area even for a short time? in fact what, other than a meal in a designated picnic are, is a picnic?) but they at least can be dealt with. A little bleach, a thermal blanket. If you get real desperate you can pop it in the freezer. Course it has to be a smallish bed, or a largish freezer. Etiher way, you don't have half the problems as you do when a craftmatic adjustable dead goes for the vulcan death pinch.

It has been fun this time. Got a lot of thoughts out of my brain, and onto the screen, where they hopefully won't hurt anybody. And even if they do, I am sure it's a good thing. After all that which doesn't kill you builds character. And I am sure my thoughts don't kill. If they did kill, I would have eventually graduated that stinking math class. I mean sooner or later there would be a teacher smart enough to see the patern, and pass me just to avoid the thought of doom. But my thought of doom never developed. I thought for a while that I had a thought of really, really sore throat, but then winter ended, and it stopped working. And that worked, now it has been an hours worth of writing. Not that I was in much of a hurry, but I think I hear the bed sloshing around.